Eventually we found out what it was but it turned out that he had cancer that had metastasized to his bones. And after a 3 1/2 month battle he passed away on Feb 18, 2020. At first I spent my time trying to cope but then the shelter in place order in Connecticut came about so I now had to stay put. It does not make this adjustment any easier, if anything it makes it worst, but in a weird way I feel that there is a higher power that is standing over me. Maybe that power is making me suffer this way so I have to face it, don't really know yet.
Once we found out how serious the cancer was he said he wanted to go home to where his family was and there I would also have my daughter. So we sold our stuff and I got him home to Connecticut, that was in January, 2020. And today I finally turned on the computer to look at all the unfinished work on my blog. This blog was supposed to have many many more adventures.
I spend so much time remembering all the things we did, and not once did I regret him retiring at 62 instead of 66 because had we waited he never would have been able to experience the things we did. We had three years of adventures and met some really awesome people along the way. We had no trouble finding some great jobs but I do now regret that we had to cancel the job we had scheduled for the winter in Florida and eventually had to cancel the position back with the East Brimfield, MA, Army COE that we promised to spend another summer there.
I have no clue where I go from here. But the first thing I need to do is accept that he is gone forever and I must find a way to make the best of my life. I have so many unanswered questions, especially "Why". All I know right at this minute is that little Ziva is beside me all the time, and I often wonder if she misses him like I do.
Song by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga
Wish I could, I could've said goodbye
I would've said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you
If I knew it would be the last time
I would've broke my heart in two
Tryna save a part of you
I would've said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you
If I knew it would be the last time
I would've broke my heart in two
Tryna save a part of you
Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name fallin' off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love again
I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name fallin' off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love again
I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh
When we first met
I never thought that I would fall
I never thought that I'd find myself
Lying in your arms, mm, mm
And I wanna pretend that it's not true
Oh, baby, that you're gone
'Cause my world keeps turnin', and turnin', and turnin'
And I'm not movin' on
I never thought that I would fall
I never thought that I'd find myself
Lying in your arms, mm, mm
And I wanna pretend that it's not true
Oh, baby, that you're gone
'Cause my world keeps turnin', and turnin', and turnin'
And I'm not movin' on
Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name fallin' off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name fallin' off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love
I don't wanna know this feelin'
Unless it's you and me
I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh
And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me
I would rather wait for you, ooh
Unless it's you and me
I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh
And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me
I would rather wait for you, ooh
Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
Baby, unless they are your lips
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
Baby, unless they are your lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Don't let another day begin
Won't let the sunlight in
Oh, I'll never love again
Never love again
Never love again
Oh, I'll never love again
To another stranger
Don't let another day begin
Won't let the sunlight in
Oh, I'll never love again
Never love again
Never love again
Oh, I'll never love again
Wish I could, I could've said goodbye
I would've said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you
If I knew it would be the last time
I would've broke my heart in two
Tryna save a part of you
I would've said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you
If I knew it would be the last time
I would've broke my heart in two
Tryna save a part of you
Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name fallin' off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love again
I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name fallin' off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love again
I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh
When we first met
I never thought that I would fall
I never thought that I'd find myself
Lying in your arms, mm, mm
And I wanna pretend that it's not true
Oh, baby, that you're gone
'Cause my world keeps turnin', and turnin', and turnin'
And I'm not movin' on
I never thought that I would fall
I never thought that I'd find myself
Lying in your arms, mm, mm
And I wanna pretend that it's not true
Oh, baby, that you're gone
'Cause my world keeps turnin', and turnin', and turnin'
And I'm not movin' on
Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name fallin' off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name fallin' off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love
I don't wanna know this feelin'
Unless it's you and me
I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh
And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me
I would rather wait for you, ooh
Unless it's you and me
I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh
And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me
I would rather wait for you, ooh
Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
Baby, unless they are your lips
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
Baby, unless they are your lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Don't let another day begin
Won't let the sunlight in
Oh, I'll never love again
Never love again
Never love again
Oh, I'll never love again
To another stranger
Don't let another day begin
Won't let the sunlight in
Oh, I'll never love again
Never love again
Never love again
Oh, I'll never love again
https://youtu.be/52nfjRzIaj8
